Reflection 4.1 A brief inventory

Kids I find it easy to like: I really like teenagers, and I find it easy to like them all. I guess I am especially comfortable around bookish kids, kids who I think are similar to me as a teen.

Kids I find hard to like: There is a certain type of kid--a mouthy kid, an arrogant, flippant kid--that I have a harder time liking. I wish to point out, though, that those characteristics are behavioral, not necessarily something a person could see at first glance.

Kids I am sorry for: I feel sorry for kids who just don't get it--who seem bewildered by the world, by school, by peers. Maybe that's because I felt confused, left out and bewildered as a teen sometimes. On the other hand, don't all kids feel that way sometimes?

Kids I feel threatened by: An angry kid can be frightening to me, especially if he/she is physically large. I don't think I'm automatically afraid of any kids--though I used to be. It would depend to me more on the situation than on the kid or kids.

Kids I identify with: I identify with articulate kids. I don't know whether I was particularly articulate in high school, but I thought I was. So the kids who speak well, converse well, contribute well in class are the ones I identify with. I also identify with girls who aren't real girly.

Kids I gravitate toward: I gravitate toward the quiet kids. Especially in a classroom, I find myself engaging them in conversation and asking them if they need help. I also notice the more studious kids and those who seem to be paying attention to the teacher and discussion.

Kids I feel inadequate around: I feel particularly inadequate around some special needs kids, if I don't feel like I can reach them or communicate with them.

Kids I probably don't even notice: I notice every kid. I may not engage them all--but I am aware of them all. One of our daughters attended an elementary school where--as in many elementary schools--they handed out awards to students at assemblies held every few weeks. They handed out different kinds of things--friendliness, helpfulness, good student, most progress--you get the idea. My daughter attended that school from the 4th grade through the 6th grade and she never received one of those awards. Never. And she was a good kid. Above average grades, polite, sensitive, turned in her work, played well with other children. She just slipped between the cracks. Those are often the kids who don't get noticed.

A couple of years ago at South High, the administration conducted kind of a survey with the teachers. A list of all the students, by name, was printed out and handed around to the faculty. Teachers were supposed to initial by a student's name if they could put a face to it. After all the teachers had seen the printout, it turned out that some students had many initials by their names. Many, many other students, however, had no initials at all by their names. This experience really shook up the adults at South. It made me think of the story "Cipher in the Snow." About the boy who got off the school bus and died one day. And nobody really remembered knowing him.

Reflection 3.10

I interviewed two students during my student shadow day; both are seniors. The way it began was that I was talking to the girl I was shadowing about her post-high school plans. She is white, upper middle class, stable family. She told me about her plans to become an aerospace engineer and that she’s been investigating colleges like Purdue, Cal Tech, the military academies. Her older sibling attends Whitworth College, so she’s going to visit there soon.

While I was talking to her, I noticed another girl--of mixed race--listening and kind of cringing into herself when she heard the other student’s confident plans. So, I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to go to college, but was worried about money, about leaving her home and family. She hasn’t visited any colleges, but she did take the SATs, although she was unhappy with her scores (comparing herself unfavorably to her friend) and is looking at scholarships. She wants to study sports medicine. None of her older siblings have attended college.

I was struck by the difference in attitude and confidence between the two girls. Also by the attitude of everyone about the first girl’s assured success.

Later, I talked to a teacher who had taught both of the girls. I asked about the sports medicine girl first. The teacher said, “Oh, I think she’ll go to a four year college.” The teacher had more confidence in the girl than the girl had in herself.

About the aerospace engineer, the teacher echoed the prevailing belief that “she can do anything.”

Although the expectations of the teacher matched those of both girls, there was a subtle difference in attitude--on the part of all three. I had to conclude that it’s the unspoken--maybe even unthought--expectations of not only adults but the kids themselves that undermine some kids. The second girl may succeed--I hope so--but she may always feel “less” than the confident middle-class, white kids for whom success is a given.